You gotta swim, swim for your life.

Friends to Best Friends to Strangers.

It's a cycle that many people experience through this day and age. I guess all I can say is you can find the satisfaction of deleting someone from your Facebook but you can't delete the memories you shared with that person because they were once something to you and you know it.

My advice is, don't give up on the friendships you have that you know that are true to you. You could lose valuable people over grudges and situations that could've been fixed properly or by simply just losing touch and drifting apart.

Otherwise, don't make promises you can't keep. Don't abuse someone's trust if you know you're going to use them in the end. Don't be a doormat to people that don't give a shit about you. Lastly, if you have friends that forgive you for your mistakes, never let them go because it's fucking hard to find those sorts of people anywhere.

Q&A

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?

The first choice definitely. I've been in a situation where I did confess to someone that I had feelings for them. It was one of the most challenging things I've ever done in my life because it's just the uncertainty of whether or not the person is interested you or not. You also have to consider the possibility of rejection and what sort of impact it can make to your friendship if you are friends with the person.

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way? 

Yes, I was really angry because I felt like I was drifting apart with a really close friend of mine. Turns out, I didn't really think about how much shit they had to worry about and what circumstances they were in. I guess when you're angry, you say a lot of crap you don't mean half the time. No, I don't feel the same way because there's no point. I love that person and would not stay mad at her for longer than a day.

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?

That is a really difficult question to answer and I really don't want to prioritise someone over another person because there are some people that mean so much to me that do deserve that phone call. I would probably record a video and attempt to send it to them so they can hear my last words of goodbye. 

4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?

Of course I would inform people, and how I would spend my time is to be with my loved ones . To be honest, I am afraid of death but it happens every day in any part of the world. You can't change the fact that you'll die someday but when the time comes, you just have to learn to accept it I guess. But yeah, if I had a time limit on how many days I had to live, first priority is to just spend all of that time with people I give a shit about.

5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.

Trust. Because no relationship can work without trust. It's honestly the epitome of relationships. If you don't have trust, you basically have nothing. 

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?

Yes, I would save the dog's life. I love animals and would be willing to save that dog's life and lose my job over it. Screw it if I get fired, I'll be satisfied to do a good deed :)

7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?

The first choice. I've already been hurt by people that I used to trust. People change, people move on and sometimes, you're just better off without them. 

8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say?

That would be one of the hardest situations to be in. But hypothetically, if I have feelings for them, I'd tell them straight away that the feelings are mutual. If I only ever see them as a friend, I'd have to say I don't feel the same way even if it hurts them. This is why I'm against best friends going out, it's good in a way that you know each other from the core, but once the relationship is over, so is your friendship. 

9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not?

Definitely. Because I miss that person so much. I could say so much to them for an hour. You have no fucking idea. 

10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

Yeah. I guess you could say that. I put a lot of effort in the friendships I've maintained today so I would be friends with me :)

11. Does love = sex?

You don't need to have fucking sex to know what love is. You're just horny. 

12.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not?

I would leave the company. I've always been a selfless person and find it really satisfying to help others before myself. It's always been like that and I would be grateful otherwise, knowing that I've given somebody a chance to be happy and that they have less problems to deal with in their life.

13.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?

Referring to Q2, basically expressed how I felt to them over message and how angry I was. This happened 3 weeks ago and it was to one of my best friends. 

14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back?

I reckon they're both equally as hard to be in. Either way, it would be heart wrenching to do them if I were in those situations.

15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?

Losing any of my current best friends right now. It would be so hard to lose them because I've put in so much effort into our friendships and would not give up on them unless I've put in everything I've got to save it. It would be hard to lose because these people have really no idea how much of an impact they've made in my life. 

16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you?

Love is out of the question, but I did express to someone that I liked them a while back from now. They were just a good friend but unfortunately I don't keep in touch with that person anymore. 

17. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why?

I wouldn't change anything because if that's how my life was supposed to be, then so be it. 

18.Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?

A close family member of mine or any of my best friends.

19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?

Yes, I would. Even though they really don't have much of a fulfilling life, they still have plenty of opportunities to make it better. 

21.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?

Man, that's a really fucked up situation. Even if it's impossible to save them both, I'll try and find a way somehow. 

22. Are you old fashioned?

Yeah, I can be.

23. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?

I don't keep track on those things because I don't expect anything in return for it. Keeping tabs on anything really basically means you do expect something from what you have done for them.

24.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?

Probably the first one. Whatever true love is, broken hearts can be mended and they can heal. You just have to not lose hope and just try again to make things work. Till this day and age, I really don't have any idea what love is and probably will not until later. 

25.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?

To live a carefree life. Hakuna Matata. 

You can't buy forgiveness or blame me for the fall.

I never said thank you for that, now I'll never have a chance.

02/09/09

Assumptions.

"When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me." 

Let's face it. I bet the people that stalk this blog assumed my previous blog post "Expectations" was directed to a certain someone. If you did, then you just made an ass of yourself. 

I guess the influence of the internet and what we post online is why sometimes people end up getting pissed off and frustrated over something that they think is about them but really it wasn't. I hate the internet for that. It's hard enough to realise who you trust, but it is also a challenge to express what you think online because people automatically judge you on what you post and what it's exactly about.

Don't get me wrong but the truth is, what I post on this blog and anywhere on the internet is what I want to do. But if you're going to judge what I say based on what I post here on something related to my personal life or what you have heard from other people, then get out of here.

The main reason why I post on this blog is I write from what I've experienced, trying to make it relatable for everyone to read. It is what I think about when I'm going through something and the only way of trying to make sense of things is from what I write and formally express.

I'm not afraid to admit that I've made an ass out of myself for assuming things that have been posted online. It's made me realise that sometimes it's better to keep things to yourself and to just express your feelings of anger and hatred about someone somewhere where nobody can read it. Not only will it save you from unnecessary drama from happening, but it'll save you from crap happening in the first place.

Only if it were easy and only if people were smart enough to realise that you're hurting individuals silently without knowing it. What I'm saying is, that sometimes expressing your feelings online when you're angry and disappointed to a specific person indirectly is more damaging to the person receiving all of it. It changes your perception about you and that person. It changes everything no matter how much of a saint you are. If you assume, you also have to face ridiculous consequences that could've changed if the situation was handled properly.

The rarest kind of people are the ones that take the blame for what they posted and understand the person on the receiving end on how they are feeling. Because I can tell you now, writing even the most vague posts about someone can still make someone believe it's about them. It's normal to assume because if we didn't, our criticism, how we judge and think about things would be very clouded.

All in all, we all say things we don't mean when we're angry. But I guess at this day and age we can't really stop anyone from posting how they feel, can you? 

It doesn't mean goodbye, it's just the simple truth.

Expectations.

People say "No expectations leads to no disappointments" but we all know that isn't true. It's pretty much inevitable, we always expect something in return in some form, in some way.

At the end of the day, expectations are made in both a friendship and relationship. We expect people to do the right thing, we expect people to be there for you etc, but what happens when people just let you down? Constantly letting you down over and over again. You're just left with disappointment and to be honest with you, it's not the greatest feeling.

Have you ever felt like you've cared about a certain person and would do anything for them yet they pretty much take you for granted? It sucks, doesn't it? When you're constantly putting so much effort in a certain relationship and getting nothing back. What's the point really? There really isn't any point if you're wasting energy on certain people that don't give a shit about you, that clearly don't want anything to do with you and that feed you with bullshit and shit excuses.

For a while now, I've felt like I'm a door mat to some people. Like they can just freely walk all over me whenever they please but when I ask something from them, just a simple favour, they do nothing. It's fucking great. Note the sarcasm. Either way, I can tell you now that people are going to disappoint you.

No matter how close you are, no matter how 'good' your relationship may be, people are just going to disappoint you no matter what. It honestly can be anybody and it'll be most likely the person you'll least expect it to be.