And it hurts to hold on, but it's missed when it's gone.

Death. It is the one thing that I absolutely hate. It sucks cause the reality is people die and if you think about it, life is really short and the unexpected happens all the time. When we live, we don't necessarily think about death or losing a loved one but when it happens, things just turn upside down and it is probably one of the most painful experiences that all humans go through.

I wish everyone had a chance to see their loved ones once more before they left Earth because nothing hurts more than to unexpectedly lose someone you love.

Loss has never been easy for me and no matter how strong I appear to be, I always end up feeling pain and sorrow regardless. Just because loss happens on a day-to-day basis doesn't mean its insignificant because it actually is the opposite. Loss is significant because they change and shape the way we are as people and suffice to say, we all go through the stage where we begin to realise that as we get older, things become much more challenging no matter how easy life seems to be.

We all get to the stage in life where we lose someone that's important and we begin to question why it happened in the first place. We start blaming the world for it and we begin to face the harsh reality that we should have done more for that person. We should have appreciated their existence more.

It is so hard to keep up with people's lives which is why I do my best to see the people that are important to me. The ones that have stuck by me in the worst kind of circumstances possible because they are the ones who matter. I wish that bad things didn't happen to good people but unfortunately they do.

All my life, I never really understood why death has to happen to people because there's so much to live for and so many places to go to and see. Why couldn't people have the opportunity to exhaust all the things they've been wanting to do right before they die? At least from there, they are able to look at their life with a much greater satisfaction and have no regrets in the end because they've already accomplished those things.

All in all, it's not easy to go through loss but at the end of the day, regardless of who we are, the show must go on. We all need to carry on with our lives and accept the fact that loss is a part of life. We just need to remember that the ones that we have lost through death are the ones that will live in our memories and our hearts forever because they are the kinds of people that have made such an impact in either a big or small way.

R.I.P

"More to Me" by Balance and Composure

I'm a wounded man on top of trees

Gazing at the world below my feet

Fickle feelings find a way to me

Like hard winds blowing when we're lost at sea

Defeated pride

Finally got the chance to let go

Keeping it quiet

Not a worry in the world that we know

I can't decide

If I should let the words spill out at a time like this

Bright skies

But I've been known to stay in on days such as this

Keep it inside

And swallow whatever it is that keeps you warm

Holding back from what's to come

I crush you

I take it back cause you're all that I've been up to

I can't react and it's numbing me

And taking up all of my time

So quiet

There's more to me that I have yet to find

Keep it inside

And swallow whatever it is that keeps you warm

Keep it inside

And swallow whatever it is that keeps you warm

Take it slowly

I thought the trees were begging me to climb

Take it slowly

There's more to me that I have yet to find

Take it slowly

Even though you're always on my mind

Take it slowly

There's more to me that I have yet to find

When I get to see your face again

Can't help the way that I have been

When keeping quiet's become a trend

That's why it's hard for me to end

All the countless hours I would spend

Making it work out up in my head

Now I'm filled up with only regret

There is no way to just forget

I'm a wounded man on top of trees

Gazing at the world below my feet

Fickle feelings find a way to me

Like hard winds blowing when we're lost at sea

Hold My Hand.

As she walked towards him, she hesitated for a bit not knowing what to expect. It was like a rush of feelings just came over her all at once and from that moment, she didn't know what to do with herself. She couldn't respond to what was going on. How on earth did he end up falling for her out of all people?

"I'm scared..." she whispered.

"Don't be." he said.

She began sighing heavily and began to form her words to him in the cold wintry air. "But you don't understand. I am this complete fucking mess. My family's a mess and I don't know how to fix it. I'm boring, uninteresting and haven't done anything out of my routine life for so long. I'm so used to what I know but this... it's so unexpected and so unplanned. I don't think I'm ready. I have so many flaws and insecurities that I don't think you can handle them. It's not because I don't think you're the right person, I just don't want to hurt you because of who I am as a person."

He smiled, but not just any type of smile, but the cute smirk he would give if he knew that she was being ridiculous.

"You're ridiculously overdramatic. You do realise that?" He replied.

"Yeah, I know. But I'm only doing this for your own benefit." She explained.

He walked towards her and gazed into her lovely almond eyes and spoke with such raw passion and intensity. He knew that his gaze made her knees weak and she would pretty much drop everything for that look of his any day.

"Do you love me?" He asked.

She looked at him like she didn't know what he was talking about and stalled for a bit.

"Uhhhh... I guess so.." She said.

"Look, you either love me or you don't. Just answer the damn question." He said with a stern look.

She looked at him with shock and disappointment. It was clear that she was upset by what he just said. "Oh okay. Why is it that you demand so much for me to let you know how I feel? If I let you know how I feel, it changes everything. I hate change. Bad change to be specific. But if you really want to know, yes, I think it's obvious I love you. I fucking love you okay. But I don't think I'm ready for this whole relationship thing. I'm not good at it and I think you're better off with someone else."

"I don't care if you think you're not perfect. I want you and only you. You make me happy when I need cheering up the most and I didn't find that in a person until the day I met you. Please don't think I will leave you just because your family is into pieces or if you think you've been hurt to the point where you can't trust anyone again. It's okay to feel those things. It's normal. If you're scared, I'm scared. Either way, we'll figure this out. I'll help you." He said.

She smiled and embraced him and held his hand.

"So come on and hold my hand, I'll take you everywhere. Anywhere. You wanna go?" 

100 Songs To Save Your Life.

Inspired by Peyton Sawyer from One Tree Hill.

I believe music saves lives. It's clearly saved mine. 

1. The All-American Rejects - Move Along
2. All Time Low - Weightless 
3. Anberlin - There is a Light That Never Goes Out 
4. The Ataris - In This Diary 
5. Audioslave - Be Yourself
6. Augustana - 20 Years 
7. The Autumn Film - Mended 
8. Avril Lavigne - Anything But Ordinary 
9. Band of Horses - No One's Gonna Love You
10. Biffy Clyro - Machines 
11. Birds of Tokyo - White Leaves 
12. Blink-182 - I Miss You 
13. Bon Iver - Holocene 
14. Boys Like Girls - Someone Like You 
15. Box Car Racer - There Is 
16. Boyce Avenue - Every Breath
17. The Cab - Living Louder
18. Cartel - A 
19. Christina Perri - A Thousand Years 
20. City and Colour - We Found Each Other In The Dark 
21. Coldplay - Fix You 
22. The Dangerous Summer - Never Feel Alone 
23. Dashboard Confessional - Don't Wait 
24. Daughter - Youth 
25. A Day To Remember - This is the House that Doubt Built 
26. Deaf Havana - I Will Try 
27. Divided By Friday - Growing Up 
28. Doves - Caught By The River 
29. Ed Sheeran - Lego House 
30. Explosions In The Sky - Have You Passed Through This Night? 
31. Fall Out Boy (ft. Elton John) - Save Rock and Roll 
32. Fink - This is The Thing 
33. Five For Fighting - 100 Years 
34. The Flaming Lips - Do You Realise?
35. FM Static - Tonight
36. The Fray - How To Save A Life 
37. The Gaslight Anthem - Handwritten 
38. The Getaway Plan - Coming Home 
39. The Get Up Kids - Overdue 
40. Good Charlotte - Hold On
41. Green Day - Time of Your Life 
42. Imogen Heap - Speeding Cars 
43. Irone and Wine - Flightless Bird 
44. Jack's Mannequin - Swim
45. James Morrison (ft. Nelly Furtado) - Broken Strings 
46. Jason Walker - Echo 
47. The Jezabels - Long Highway
48. Jimmy Eat World - Polaris
49. John Osho (ft. Childish Gambino) - Giants 
50. Josh Pyke - The Summer 
51. Joshua Radin - Don't Look Away 
52. Kanye West - Runaway (ft. Pusha T)
53. The Killers - Human 
54. Lifehouse - Whatever It Takes 
55. LIGHTS - Romance is...(acoustic)
56. Lower Than Atlantis - Another Sad Song 
57. Lucy Rose - Shiver 
58. Mae - Anything 
59. Mayday Parade - Still Breathing 
60. My American Heart - Tired and Uninspired 
61. Motion City Soundtrack - Even If It Kills Me 
62. The National - Sorrow 
63. New Empire - One Heart/Million Voices
64. Parachute - Forever and Always 
65. Paramore - Brighter 
66. Passenger - Holes 
67. Pierce The Veil - Hold On 'Till May (acoustic)
68. Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here 
69. The Police - Every Breath You Take 
70. Radiohead - No Surprises 
71. The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel
72. Rise Against - Swing Life Away (acoustic)
73. The Rocket Summer - Save 
74. Quietdrive - Time After Time 
75. The Scene Aesthetic - This is a Suitable Valedictory 
76. Secondhand Serenade - Your Call 
77. Sick Puppies - All The Same 
78. Simple Plan - This Song Saved My Life 
79. Skillet - The Older I Get 
80. Sleeping With Sirens - Roger Rabbit 
81. Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
82. Something For Kate - Deep Sea Divers 
83. Switchfoot - Learning To Breathe 
84. The Spill Canvas - Appreciation and the Bomb 
85. Sum 41 - Pieces 
86. The Sundance Kids - Burn So Bright  (known as 'Sundance')
87. Tegan and Sara - Love They Say 
88. Third Blind Eye - Semi-Charmed Life 
89. Three Days Grace - Never Too Late 
90. Tonight Alive - Amelia (acoustic)
91. Trapt - Ready When You Are 
92. Vertical Horizon - I'm Still Here 
93. We Came As Romans - Hope 
94. We The Kings (ft. Demi Lovato) - We'll Be A Dream 
95. Whitley - More Than Life 
96. William Fitzsimmons - Maybe Be Alright 
97. Yellowcard - Paper Walls 
98. Young Guns - Learn My Lesson 
99. You Me At Six - No One Does It Better 
100. 30 Seconds To Mars - Closer To The Edge 

PostSecret.

Yesterday night, I had the privilege of attending one of Frank Warren's exclusive PostSecret live intimate shows. For all of you who don't know him, he is the creator/founder of the amazing website called 'PostSecret'. Basically the idea of the project was for people to send their deep secrets on post cards and from today,  I still read what is on that website.

To be honest, going to this live show was made by impulse. My best friend had some spare tickets and asked if I wanted to go with him.  I ended up saying to myself, why not? I've got nothing due for university at the moment, so I may as well make my Tuesday night interesting. Best decision ever.

I think while Frank was talking to us about how unfolding our secrets and sharing them to the world, connects us in a special way and it was just so amazing how he was able to empathise what we had/were going through and to say the least, I got quite emotional at some point during the show. It has made me realise that we are all people and we live different lives. It's intriguing how dynamic a person's life can be because we always tend to see everything as simple in our lives but what we don't realise is how much we have gone through. How much pain and suffering we have endured to make us who we are today.

In saying this, it was a meaningful experience and it has opened up my eyes that everyone right now has some personal things that they don't like sharing. We all have struggled to open up and trust other people nowadays. I know for one, I have struggled with that so much. The fact that even sharing something personal with someone scares me because you share things that you have kept inside for so long. You are sharing a secret.

Although, the beautiful thing about yesterday night was that it has made me realise that it is okay to share your deep and personal things to someone because it feels like a heavy burden is lifted off your shoulders once you let it out. The burden that you carry lightens and it makes you become a much stronger person than you were before.

In the show, some people were brave enough to share their secrets to the audience, and for that, I really admire those people that had that courage. It was really amazing to hear people's dark secrets and how the audience were just so comforting and so understanding to what the person sharing the secret was going through. Not only that but being able to empathise with that person was enough. More than enough.

After the show, my best friend and I ended up just sharing things with one another. It was like we were compelled to share what we had in our minds. We had so much inspiration, we were literally still buzzing from all the feelings that were felt during the show.

Overall, PostSecret was amazing and I recommend any of you to go to one of Frank Warren's shows if you have a chance. It was honestly so inspiring and life-changing and for that, I thank him for helping me get through the rough times and for basically understanding the pain and frustrations people go through on a day-to-day basis. For making me laugh, smile and cry for 2 hours was truly a wonderful experience and I wouldn't have had it any other way. PostSecret has changed my life and I'm sure it will too if you give it a chance. Don't be afraid and speak about what you've been hiding for so long. It might be the most relieving thing you have ever done in your life.

Monsters Inc.

I will always have a soft spot for this movie. I really hate goodbyes. 

Matters.

We sometimes feel like some things in our life don't matter. But you've got to remember that somewhere along the way people are going to make you realise that those things do matter and are significant, even if you don't think so. Just because something is going wrong in your life does not mean you should treat it like anything ordinary and just because you feel like it's not necessary to tell someone, it actually does. You have to realise that someone does care about you, even if they don't show it to you everyday, there are people out there that care about you. So before you forget, just remember that YOU matter and know that there will be people willing to listen to your problems no matter what. Don't take your concerns too lightly because life isn't planned and we lose ourselves sometimes, we just need to find some people to help us find our way again. To pick us up, when we fall down and to keep us strong when we're feeling weak because having people like that in your life, matters.

♥

Hope.

Dedication to an old friend. Stay Strong.

Sometimes I feel so wrongedLike I'm being held downI feel my heart like a rock, it's sinkingThese days can get so darkLike an eclipse in the skyBut I can rise aboveI can find my way

Still Breathing.

Give me any reason to believe 'cause I swear I'm done here.

Love is.

I decided to go on a Youtube spree with The Spill Canvas. I absolutely love this band and honestly, their songs to me are just beautiful stories. Even though most of their songs are quite sad, for example, "Self/Conclusion" (which mind you is one of my favourite songs as well) I rediscovered this song again.

Despite how cynical I've been about people and their relationships these days, I still have hope that 'love' or whatever the hell it is, is perfectly described in this song. To be 'valiant' is to be brave and courageous and I think The Spill Canvas have hit the nail on the head on this one because you've got to have something so god damn special if you've found someone that pretty much makes you feel like that there should be nothing to be afraid of, and as long as you have each other, nothing else matters.

And I think that's absolutely beautiful.

Struggling.

It's sometimes hard being the strong one.

'I hate valentine's day' playlist

1. Mr. Brightside - The Killers

2. Grand Theft Autumn/Where is your boy - Fall Out Boy

3. Lazy Eye - Silversun Pickups 

4. Think of you Later (Empty Room) - Every Avenue

5. Let Me Go - 3 Doors Down

6. Lessons in Love - Cartel 

7. That's What You Get - Paramore

8. Reckless - You Me At Six

9. Save Your Heart - Mayday Parade

10. My Happy Ending - Avril Lavigne

Scars.

We all have reasons to be bitter and hateful towards the person we used to 'love' or should I say really like? Because honestly, the word 'love' is thrown around too much that sometimes it's hard to even believe it exists. Does it exist? 

Second guessing. Doubts. Fears. Rejection. Hurt. Scars. Expectations. Regret.

They all sound too familiar and that's the sad part. 

L . G FUAD

I'm a mess I'm a wreck.
I am perfect and I have learned to accept,
All my problems and shortcomings 'cause I'm so visceral, yet deeply inept.

Forever Lost.